It's been a while...

OK... sorry I have not written in a while, but I have two excuses:
First: I have been working a lot in the past few weeks, been busy with school and homework, and am desperately trying not to neglect the house and the babies too much.
And second: If all one does is work and home- and housework, there is really not a lot of exciting and noteworthy stuff going on. I actually contemplated writing a post about "nothing". Something like: "... and then the unspeakable happened: NOTHING! I couldn't even believe it, and had no clue how to handle the whole thing..." I was wondering how long a post I could pull off, writing about absolutely nothing!?
But then again, work has turnd out to be quite interesting and a lot of fun. When I first stopped dancing in February, my biggest fear was that my time with "work being fun" was over. Now that I think about it, I had a lot of fears that were completely unfounded. For instance, I thought that I didn't know anything about work outside of the theater, and could not offer much knowledge aside from how to leap and pirouette through the world. But the truth is that having been a dancer for so long has trained me in so many aspects of life that I will benefit from forever and in everything I do. I realized that being passionate about what I do is not "dance specific", but a part of who I am. I can't go to work just to kill a few hours and then come back home and forget about it. And like I have learned so many times before, "caring" about what we do is realy the basis for doing something right.
When I first joined Trockadero, I was really not a good partnering dancer. I have had little training in "Pas de deux" work, and was very unsure of how to keep a Ballerina on her feet. But suddenly I had to figure out how to do it... and not with an 80 pound Ballerina, but with full grown men! I didn't have the necessary technique, nor the training, but what I did have was care. And soon enough Yonny (a former Trockadero "Ballerina assoluta" with very high standards) started to love having me as "her" partner.
Back to my new job: Everything is new to me. It is like learning a new language - while living in a new country where you have to apply every new word instantly. But I love to learn, and my managers seem to notice it. I am now in charge of a deparment in the store, and will at some point even train my co- workers on certain things I have learned by attending the interior design classes!
Just the other day I have realized why I am so eager to reach new goals, and why at times I am a little impatient with myself. I was driving to the grocery store when I tought: "Come on... you know how it is to start at the bottom... as a dancer it took you years to get anywhere!" And then it hit me. Sure... it took me forever to get anywhere, but once I did, I fulfilled a lot of dreams and reached a lot of personal goals. I was hard working, dedicated and supported enough to reach a certain place where I enjoyed being. And let me tell you... starting at the bottom when you don't know how good the higher levels feel is a lot easier than going back down to the bottom after having been at a higher level! I am not saying this as a complaint, because I am having a great time doing what I do now. But it is what drives me to working hard, doing my new job as well as I can, and to wanting to reach new goals again. It is what motivates me to move up. I look back, and I feel that in some small way I mattered as a performer. Even if only in my own little head. But it felt good to me, and I want that feeling again in a new field.
As you can see... I have been pretty preoccupied with a lot of things, and I have just been exhausted. I think that being new at something automatically tires people out! I can't even count the time I spend worrying about having made a mistake, or thinking about how I could have done this or that differenty. Again - it is like when I first moved to the States, and had to translate every word from German into English in my head before saying it out loud. It was exhausting! But at some point things become second nature. ...I can't wait!
Well; I will try to not be too long before writing again, although I am not promising. Keep cool and have a great weekend everybody!!!