So much has happened...

Once again.. it has been forever since my last post. Just the other day I talked to a co- worker of mine about how quickly this summer has passed, remarking that "I didn't do any of the things I usually do in the summer...", which she answered with: "You started a new job, your relationship ended... I think you might have had your hands full!?"
I guess I can agree with that. It has been a pretty intense few months, but I strongly believe that every ending is the beginning of something new.
The relationship thing sucks... although it was really no surprise to us (or many who know us, I guess...). And even if we believe that it was the right - and only - thing to do, nine years is a long time to have together as a couple. It is a lot to leave behind, no matter how good or bad things might have been. There is a lot of love, a strong connection, and - let's face it - a lot of "being used to" in any long term relationship. Things have changed... I have changed during those years; or so I like to believe. The most eye opening thing for me was (and is) that there comes a point when you just stop blaming the other person. I can only compare it with some pieces of clothing I own... pieces that I invested a lot in at some time. They were amazing when I got them, but a few years down the road I either grew out of them, or they just weren't right anymore. It wasn't the clothing's fault... nor mine. It was just a fact. But those few special pieces still have a home in my closet, and I will probably never really get them completely out of my sight. They will always carry great memories of when I first got them, or the occasions I wore them for, or what they made me feel like. So... The fact that we are able to honor our years together by still being there for each other and by not tearing each other apart and by respecting each other is more than I could possibly wish for. We have had our "up's"and "down's" before, and we know how ugly things could get. But at this point I think that we found a way of making it all as easy as possible on ourselves and each other, and I am pretty sure that Demi and Bruce could not possibly have done a better job than us!!!
And then I started my new job for Ralph Lauren, which is a dream come true! My closet is starting to look so good that I am seriously considering to get back IN it. Now... going to work in the morning by public transportation is another story, and the hood pretty quickly took notice of my growing wardrobe. During my second week I walked back from the bus stop - for the first time dressed fully in RL, when I heard a female voice from across the street yelling:"You better work, sister"... which I answered with "I sure as hell am trying!!!", to provide the entertainment portion of the evening. I mean... who am I kidding? I stick out like a sore thumb. My pants actually sit where pants are supposed to sit, my shirts don't reach my knees, and I do still have all my teeth. Clearly I am gay. And just in case I could forget about that fact, I am glad there are still people out there to remind me of it!!! The other day I was listening to the new Whitney album (yes... I am talking about the Houston one... crack didn't do her in yet...), when I passed two total trash guys (who might actually know Whitney - or at least have the same dealer), and one of them called me a foggot. Really? Come on. Something about them really bothered me; and I felt safe when I realized that the guy was holding on to a wall to prevent his drug- soaked body from tipping over behind the gate he was hanging out at. I took one of my ear pieces out and asked:"What did you say?" And he repeated "you faggot". I looked at him up and down, put on my gayest smile and said:" Just because you are only doing it for crack doesn't make you any less of a faggot". Praying that the guy didn't have a gun to aim at me (not that he could have focused...), I confidently put my music back in, and proudly walked on.
I am very much entertained by those people by now, and guess what: Tomorrow at the same time I will be walking by again, and pretty soon you will be tired of calling me - or any foggot - a foggot.
I wonder why it is still somewhat "OK" to even use that word for my kind. In Germany it is downright illegal to make public, negative remarks about the jewish community, and it certainly is the closest thing to a crime in this country to use a certain word to refer to an African American. For good reason. And as far as I can recall, I didn't have any more say in the way I was born than any other person who might be discriminated against for the color of their hair, skin, religious background, origin or gender. The only conclusion I can reach is that not enough gays and lesbians have been killed. That is really what sets us apart. The fact that homosexuals have been tortured, experimented on and killed by (my other kind-) Germans, was just not public enough, and other than that there was really never a time when a big enough mass of us have been publicly extinguished. Therefor it is quite alright to continue the verbal abuse, and all it does is create laughter and provide entertainment on the street. I have no problem taking part in the process, and it would be great if I could make even one guy on the street ignore the next faggot that walks by. But I do have my moments when I wonder about why things are the way they are, and why so many people are still thrown by something that is all around them.