A German family...

My family is so funny; I actually think that one day I want for Manolo and me to live in a house with an "in- law- suite", so my people can come over more often. Of course... Manolo having the same dry humor as most of my family, he calls the half finished basement in our house the "in- law- suite".
The cool (and sometimes scary) thing about my family is that they always say what's on their minds. I remember the first time they met Manolo years ago when we were both still on tour and performed in Berlin in 2000. My parents were there, my sister and brother, my grand parents and friends of the family. Manolo was very nervous to meet all of them, and to get through a dinner with complete strangers he thought he needed to impress. Although - let me say this: For Germans the "meeting the family" is really not such a big deal. If they like him, GREAT... if they don't, OH WELL. So to me it wasn't a big deal at all, but he spent days carefully selecting his outfit, and even asked a co- worker to join us for back up.
Dinner started, and we - of course - had a great time. They all loved him instantly, we had food and plenty of beer, and the evening got rolling. In a very silent moment my sister decided to ask Manolo a question that almost knocked his socks off.
"So... why would a grown guy like you be attracted to a 22 year old boy?"
Silence. All eyes on him. Suddenly everybody spoke and understood English fluently. He somehow managed to turn the conversation around, but it was this moment that he knew what kind of people he was dealing with.
A while ago I thought about death. I started wondering about the little security I really have here... and just about the "technicalities" of what should happen to me if I died. I spoke to my mom about it a few days later, and just wanted to hear her opinion. Should I be berried here? Should I be cremated (which is what I want), and then remain here, or should my ashes be taken to Germany? Or would you prefer if my body was transported home, and you guys deal with all of it?
Without letting me finish my thoughts, she interrupted me and asked: "How many airline tickets have we bought for you since you moved to the States? It is enough to buy them while you are alive, I will certainly not buy another one when you're dead! Don't you have miles left?"
Of course... we started laughing; which for us means "That was funny"... but NOT "I was kidding".
"Affection" to us - and a lot of Germans - is very different from the affection people know, give and appreciate over here. We don't tell each other that we love each other. Kids don't say it to their parents, parents don't say it to their kids, couples don't say it to each other. We don't compliment mother's cooking, and if she asks us "didn't you like it? Why don't you tell me you liked it?" We answer: "Not criticizing is enough of a compliment!". If a woman complains to her husband about him never telling her that he loves her, he will most likely answer: "I told you at our wedding that I loved you. If anything changes, I'll let you know!"
We are also bad with receiving compliments from our friends. If a German woman meets an old friend and is told "you are looking great!", it is practically an insult. Because what it means is "you are looking rested" which means "you must not work hard enough" which means "you must be lazy" which means "your house must be a mess." In fact - there is this joke that the best compliment one can give a German housewife is to say "damn girl... you look worn out!"
All this is really funny to me; especially after living in the States for so long. People here pay such great attention to the way they come across and the way they make sure to give credit and open appreciation. Generally I think that life here is a lot more "user friendly" than it is back home.
The area I am from is in the far south of the country. We speak a dialect so horrible, that the entire German population makes fun of it. We are the laughing stock of many comedians, and people from the north can basically not understand most things we say. It is seriously not just a matter of pronunciation - like it would be here with people from southern states. No... I am talking about a separate language, with its own vocabulary. The city nearest to my village is called "Ulm". It is Einstein's birth place, and home of the dome with the tallest tower in the world. It is also the "home" of my dialect, and people take great pride in it. My grandfather was born and raised there, and is the true "Ulmer" of the family.
We have this expression at home for when we (for example) run into someone we haven't seen in a long time. I guess here we would maybe say "holy sh**"; there we say "leck me am asch" (I am writing dialect), which basically would be "kiss my a**". I know... it makes no sense in English. Anyway. This expression can - of course - also be an insult, if used in a different context. But - and this is the funny part - if a person from Ulm tells a cop in anger "leck me am asch", this person cannot be ticketed for insulting authority, simply because to an "Ulmer" this expression is a form of greeting others! Isn't that wild? Of course... grandpa has used this one countless times, and is quick to point out his "Ulmer-ness" whenever possible.
My grandpa is another one.
When they came to see us perform in Paris a few years ago, we took the "Metro" at night from the Theater to the Hotel. The subway system there is very secure... and every passenger has to hold on to his/ her ticket until he/ she is back on the street above ground. Naturally... there are no signs pointing this out, and that night a wall of cops awaited us as we were about to get out of the station. Now... both my grandparents are around eighty, and the loveliest people on the planet. With us was also my sister - a cop in Germany, who speaks french. My grandparents threw away their tickets as soon as they got through the gates at our departure station, which now turned into a problem. Of course... we tried to tell the cops that those two old people could not possibly have jumped over those gates in order to hitch a ride for free... but it was useless. The female french cop charged both of them 50 Euro, and we were all pissed. My grandpa was so outraged, and as he walked away remarked: "100 EURO in five minutes!!! She would have not even made that much if she was a hooker... that ugly bit**"
Oh well... those were a few stories about my family and the people I love. And yes... I said "I love"... even if that makes me a sissy of a German!